the footprints
in the snow
were
her very own
I'd know them anywhere
toed in
stepping so rhythmically
making a steadfast path
with purpose
I could tell she had thrown abandon
out the chicken coop
and had been merrily
on her way
I know my girl
I followed her steps
to the hill and then called to her
her path...
vanished
her...
vanished
my heart...
pumping
how does a muscovy duck
squeeze so tightly into one's heart?
Sarah was our duckling to look after
at a friend's farm
18 years ago
it was
3 muscovies
and 4 rouens
in total
they started as eggs
we watched them hatch
they saw us
and called us mom
we fed
and watered them
loved them
and they just naturally
came home with us
when
our friend's farm
folded
they needed a mom
and were only a year old
or was it two
when they arrived with 5 horses
and some goats
when my home schooled kids
became their proud owners
and mom the stable hand
watching kids
and animals grow
in favour and stature
with God and man
'my' Sarah now
because the home schooled ones
have flown the coop
left the nest
followed God's heart
and what's left is just us...
horses and goats
rabbits and chickens
ducks
dogs
cat
turtle
cockatiel
my husband
we have passed every day together
Sarah and I
for 18 years
minus a few days or hours
for holidays
so when I thought she was tucked away last night with the others
certain she would be there
though I didn't see her white brightness peeking through
the mottling of the rouens or hens deep under the feeder
tucked away warm in the sweet hay
though I checked out back in their fenced day area
for her just in case
and didn't see her...
and thought surely she was snuggled deep
and safe
like every other night
for all those many many years
I should have known that our chinook weather
had given her Spring fever
where for 18 years
she would be
the risk taker
would leave the coop
search out a nesting ground
play in the creek on the way
do some skinny dipping
do some feather preening until she sparkled
do some bottom munching...
she saw the fox before it saw her
( I know because I saw his tracks that stopped before they reached the turn in the creek where she sat hiding)
the fox had returned the way he had come emptyhanded
she had stayed all night
feathers groomed
belly filled
safe in the bend of the creek
though the moon came out full
she sat in a little nook
in the cool of the stream
watching
waiting
I had searched everywhere
I had sung her name out over the hillsides
checked all the trees
She had flown to the neighbour's farm and back once
years ago
in her youth
before she believed that there was
no place like home
I checked all the hay stacks
all the mangers
under every feeder
every stall
beside every farm animal
she was our beloved prodigal
who loved to visit everyone
but would
always come back...
she always came back
always remembered where home was
she had no chains
but had lived free all these years
I called the dogs
and said find Sarah
I opened the gate to the creek area
their noses led them to her trail
that disappeared
in flight
she loved to fly
the dogs flew through the snow
past the bend in the creek to the fox trail
I watched from behind
and then I saw her
tucked cozy under the banks edge
she was a smart one
safe from the fox
she didn't move when I called her name
I called her one last time
she was so still
so perfect
I saw where she had landed
after her flight
where she had made a new path
with the same toed in
rhythmic determined steps
her path was beautiful
that beauty locked in my memory
I could see how she stopped at the creek's edge
jumped off the snow bank and glided as she touched the water
her heart merry
I saw her and knew that her bit of glory
had taken flight
her eyes were still open
still so much light
her neck set so gracefully along her back
wings folded safe around her
she looked like she had sat calm
restive unafraid
I'm afraid I cried long and hard
I held her against my breast and pulled my hoody over her wet frame to warm her
to bring back that bit of glory
the dogs came to my side
and stayed with me
they had no words
no tail wag
just presence
faithul eyes watching
waiting
have you ever done CPR to a muscovy?
her little lungs filled so easily
I tried so hard
so gently
such a crazy mom
and then I just had to let her go
and let God
goodbyes are never easy
for me at least
I feel I should have been there for her in her darkest hour
only a bird
but even God sees every sparrow that falls
I felt responsible
she was old
she was so peaceful
she was so beloved
I'll miss her
God knows all this
He holds us all
in His bosom
room for all
room for the little baby girl at TLC
fighting for her life
us fighting to keep her breath here
God holding us and saying
it is well
it is finished
death is swallowed up in Victory
death won't hurt anymore
His beloved Son finished the task
and tells us there is room for us all
in His Father's House
He gives breath and takes it away
and has power
to give it back again
Bethany said
Mom
It was her time
she lived long and well
she was a good bird
just a wee duck
beloved all the same
Lord thank you for
Sarah
my favourite things
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"maybe if more people had a duck in their life, maybe we wouldnt be all so mad at each other" ~ Joe the Trucker (Trucking Duck)
