it was years ago
when they
would call in the night
and I would go to their bedside
and comfort them
I would be brave with them
and cry and laugh with them
I would do it again
only I would stay longer
and sing longer
and hold longer
Now they are grown
with kids of their own
who call in the night
and in the day
they hold them
they cry and laugh with them
they are brave with them
sometimes I didn't know
what the deep fears were that would wake them
sometimes they would tell me
and I would try to help them paint
a different picture in their head
in their mind's eye
in their heart
to replace the fearful one
One day when they were young
a dog had ravaged our farm while
we were driving home from holidays.
coming in to our farm we saw goats scattered and torn on the ground
the unhurt ones stuck their heads out of A-frames when they saw us and came out to be with us
we were devastated
my little four year old held my hand as we walked the hillside
the little one in my back pack looked over my shoulder
it was very quiet
and Shoshi said
as she looked up at me
Mommy
are you sad?
how do you fix hurt in a little one's brokenness
how do you fix what their little heart holds
Our beautiful Aunt Stella had left us that week
and found her Heaven home
my Shoshi had loved her
we had African violets scattered on all our windowsills
because of Aunt Stella
she was old and played the piano
she would walk slowly and carefully to the piano bench
and would take time to be seated
this amazing woman
who played church organ
and grew violets
and prayed for her son
she would then sit tall
and her fingers would come alive and dance
she could dance along that piano for a full hour
she was all life
so when she died
my kids were sad
and I knew we had to paint a new picture in their mind's eye
In heaven she had a hillside pasture
in the radiant sunshine
and
she had her grand piano
and was no longer tired
and weak
her whole being danced with that grand piano
and the flowers bloomed on that lush green hillside with her
Shoshanna wanted to paint another picture
to change the goat sadness
so we put all our baby goats
six of them
and one mama
we put them all on that hillside with dear Aunt Stella
while she played
they ran and jumped
some up on that heavenly piano
she was laughing and playing
and there was just so much joy
now every time we remember that day
and the sadness
we have a new painting in our mind's eye
and we can smile
and see the beauty
and laugh joyously together
we know that one day
we will be there too
then all the sadness will be gone
I would like to go back
and hold them longer
sit with them and just listen longer
and really hear what their little hearts
are saying
I want them to know
they are everything to me
that I will always be there for them
now they are grown
with kids of their own
I get to hold them
these new little ones
they don't always want to be held
but in my heart I hold them tight
I must also release them to the Lord
as I did mine
because I know some things hurt too much to even tell mommy
and I know He holds them
He will sing to them
and laugh and weep with them
and heal them
we are all broken somehow
and He holds us
that is the picture I will paint with my little ones
in our mind's eye
in our heart
we were broken
but now
we are all together running in the green meadows
all laughing together
the flowers are beautiful and the music is sweet
and He holds us
my favourite things
