my favourite things/ double rainbows and the pot of gold

I came out of the barn
wiped my sweaty brow
took up my two full buckets of milk
and looked up from my scuffed shoes to the path home
it was still breathtaking

When I had come out to milk the goats
they were all still roaming in the new pasture
fresh green grass like soft velvet
beneath their hooves
the sound of their munch munching
had stopped me
I had laid down my buckets
decidedly sat there against the barn
and watched

twenty goats encased in a double rainbow
stretched from NorthEast to NorthWest
the mist still drizzling over them
100 meters away I stood in dryness
the sky above me blue and rich with dotted cotton
the sun parading down against the horizon behind me
the glow golden and warm against my beastlies
the sky above them soft gray
the rainbows' glowing against this soft paynes gray
the new leaves of the poplars
very much alive
vibrant on the darkened backdrop

I could almost see the Master painting
I stood in silent awe

I just watched
then closed my eyes and just listened
then shut out everything and just felt the mist begin to sway my way
I remember the first day I smelled Spring
the day Winter just slipped away
the one snow pile on the northside of the barn
the only reminder of the very long rest
the dogs seeking it out for refreshment
a reminder that I was not the only one sad to see its beauty slip away

but now

now I am breathless
the rainbow is iridescent
this indigo starting and coming up again then again
I memorize the colours
I try to remember how kids paint its memory
blue into green
yellow into orange
red into royalty once more
then it is repeated above itself
softer
muted
arching God's promise above the land
of the living
God is with us

and for today
no battle here
though in the distance
I hear the thunder
today all is peace here
joy fills my heart
contentment

this moment is enough

I lift my face from my scuffed shoes
I can still see
double rainbows
and the pot
of gold

my favourite things

my favourite things/ He calls our name, we know Him

they were delightful
leaping
and dancing
in goatstyle
my heart right along with them

even old Mbali
the speckled one
ran young
my old soul
alongside

Spring Fever
is for
everyone

and still
when I called
they heard
and
they came

so like our Saviour's voice
our Shepherd
He knows us
we know Him
we hear His voice
and come

He says
come away
a little while
let not your heart be troubled
I tell you
in my Father's House area many mansions
I would not have told you this if it were not so

I go to prepare a place for you
I will come and take you to myself

this log structure is a semblance of a beginning
it is not our home
but it helps my goats leap for joy
and makes my heart glad

He calls our name
and we know Him
He comes and gives us His Kingdom

my favourite things

my favourite things/ He leads me beside the still waters

Every day
He leads me

there is a quiet hush
at rest with Him
no noisy gongs
nor brutish voice
instead
just quiet
rest

the snow has left us now
except a patch
behind the barn
left to cool
the hounds
it's where
they find
their quiet
rest

the grass is velvet
green not white
five months
gone by
the Winter's rest all done
Spring come
bird song
goat dance
and hallowed calm
the Shepherd's watch
and in the stillness
heart
and
senses
open to the Song

it is His Song
He lives it in the breeze
among the trees
the fields
the streams

my feet
they feel the beat
they walk it slow
then run
and leap

in joy

the Song it goes like this
He loves me so~

the life around
all hear its sound
the gentle rustle
frees
and sets
the soul to soar

beside the quiet waters
He leadeth me

a cleansing tide
it satisfies
gives life
gives breath
speaks
peace
and soars
like eagle
flight

on heaven's wings
He leadeth me
the quiet
waters
by

afraid in Him
I'll never be
He is my life
His face alone
I seek

He leads me beside still waters
He sits with me
and rests
awhile

my favourite things

my favourite things/ new life

new grandchild
new farm life
first rays of sunshine casting themselves across the forest floor
first robin
first geese flying overhead
new buds on trees

first butterfly
first Spring rains
creeks growing
life bubbling
God present

my heart overjoyed

Winter is long~ it is a good rest~ now my heart is ready for Spring

new life
my favourite things

my favourite things/ Thy 'tender' mercies/ Thy 'loving' kindness

the morning was fresh
the air cool
5:58
the alarm not quite off
I had slid quietly
out of bed
to do my goat baby check
and the graciousness of my Lord
met me as usual
as I walked
the early
path

It is always
as I 'lift' my countenance
that I 'feel' Him
or maybe it is because I feel His countenace
that I lift mine
-------------
And it came to pass
in the fortieth year
in the eleventh month
on the first day of the month
that Moses spake unto the children of Israel
according  unto all that the Lord had given him
in commandment unto them


The Lord said
you have dwelt long enough in this mount...
Behold
I have set the land before you:


Go in and possess it
-----------------


as I closed the barn latch again
the goatcheck done
no new young
Blue left in to guard
Sam out with me to check the trails
I lifted my face

He always amazes me
--------------------

the morning was new
the sun not yet risen
wispy grey clouds
disappearing on the low eastern horizon
the moon's soft glow sifted through the clouds in the southern sky
as I breathed in this morning gift of beauty to me
the moon rose above the grey
sat like a sun on a horizon
bright and half appearing
then seemed to burst the clouded sky
to give one last fullness
before the sun's rays cast golden
through the forest branches
-------------------------


Eduardo spoke of faith yesterday
and of what he has learned
through forty years of walking
mostly that we don't always 'feel' faith
...because faith does not 'rely' on what we feel
he shared
the Gospel of Mark
shared how the three women
that had come to the tomb
when they saw the stone rolled away
when they heard the angel's words
that Jesus was not there
the words that He was Risen
the words to go tell the disciples
that Jesus would go before them into Galilee
that they would see Him
Just as He had said unto them...
Eduardo shared
that they went out quickly
that they fled from the sepulchre
for they trembled
and were amazed:
then
neither. of. them. said. anything. to. any. man.
for. they. were. afraid.
this is Mark's sharing of what happened
in the early hours of that first Easter morning
He shared what was real in his heart
Jesus would change the fear
perfect love
casts out all fear

Faith is a gift from God
it does not rely on feelings
we may be afraid but it is as we believe God
that we 'see' clearly

Jesus went before them
to show Himself
to 'help' them believe

more blessed
He tells Thomas
who said he would not believe
until he put his finger in the holes
of Jesus' hands

more blessed
He tells Thomas
are those who have not seen
and
yet
believe
------------------

Faith makes us blessed
-----------------

Still it is a gift
----------------
that none may boast
----------------

I know my Redeemer Liveth
and as I walk my morning path
I 'feel' His presence
but
when I don't
He is still present
and He still holds me
and He still Liveth

I 'feel' His presence
but
when I don't
He still goes ahead of me
like He did for those three woman
who were in so much anguish
who were so terrified
who were so amazed
He goes ahead of us
to increase
our faith
to help us see
----------------
Then I said unto you
Dread not
neither be afraid

The Lord your God
Which goeth before you
He shall fight for you

Yet in this thing
you did not believe
the Lord your God

and so we remember
the forty years in the wilderness...

to know what was in our hearts
though
'His' heart
was to bring us into a good land
----------------
when we don't feel Him
He is still with us
and goes before us
to show us
the
Way
to show us a land
that when we have eaten and are full
we might remember
Him
that we might remember
to give praise
for the good land
that He has given us

it is not for bread alone
that we live
--------------------

Jesus came
to clear the guilty

that is all of us

and the Lord
The Lord God
is
merciful and gracious
longsuffering
and abundant in goodness and truth
Keeping mercy for thousands
forgiving iniquity
and transgression
and sin

we have found grace in His sight

because Jesus found us out
He came to clear the guilty

we are guilty no more

Jesus said
It is finished

only believe
we don't have to feel it
though some days I do
most days I do
but
on the ones I don't
those days I feel all alone
crushed
broken
abandoned

I just lift up my countenance
and meet His

He is Risen
He is Alive
God is with us

His mercies are
tender
His kindness
is loving
His suffering
is long
His love
is forever

Thy 'tender' mercies
Thy 'loving' kindness
The heart of God

my favourite things

----------------






 He is no fool who walks with God ~
He will find life and find it abundantly ~

my favourite things/ my daddy

I had a good cry tonight
a sob rather
the midnight hour
coming home with my milk bucket full
two gallons brimming
the toboggan with empty water buckets and lids

I was exactly one step from the top of the hill
carefully testing each foot I put down
when swoosh went my feet from beneath me
and the milk made a rich and creamy path down the hill

My empty bucket and I
made it in the house and as I was at the pantry sink
washing everything
my tears and sobbing started

It was not crying over spilled milk
I did that once thirty years ago
and learned laughing about it is better
I was not even crying over being hurt
from falling down the hill
because I slid smooth
and even giggled

I was remembering my daddy
thirty one years gone
and I was remembering how
he always looked after me
there was no slippery hill
it was sanded

He would always go out before any of us
and make it safe
He would  take my hand
carry my load

keep me safe

so here I am sobbing
because I miss my daddy's love

a small thing
yet a big thing

I have known my daddy's love
he gave his life for us in everyway
to  keep us safe

Easter is here again
and I am remembering an Abba Daddy's love
given
to keep us safe

The empty tomb is there
because of a Father's great love

to keep us safe
sobbing happy tears now

my daddy
and my Abba Daddy
I've known such love

my favourite things


------------------

a funny thing to be almost sixty
and cry like a child
to not be hurt
to be absolutely fine
but cry
because you remember
such
amazing
love

my daddy
my favourite things

my favourite things/ this precious love

These precious children
are already the heart of my daughter
and though years of gathering papers
and now watching them flutter in the wind
and be lost

even so

all is not hopeless

There is One who sat as King of the flood
and He sits as King forever

He is the One who moves in hearts
and makes ours like His Own

and if courage comes
by standing and knowing He stands with us
then stand we will
unmoveable
pressing forward
believing
in His Goodness

This mama heart is a long ways from the ache
across mountains and oceans and deserts
but nothing can separate us from the love of God
no ache
no distance
no thing

I looked through the deep blue sky last week
thinking how amazing that there was no end to it
I twirled a dance out in my snowcovered fields
looking for a cloud
for something
anything
the blue was flawless
deep and reaching
like God's love
unending
higher than anything I could ever imagine
I could see that 'He' would always be 'enough'


That night on my goat watch
at the midnight hour
looking for new life
sweet baaas in the night
warm and nestled in the soft hay
rapturous lickings from the mama baaa
sweet goat talk back and forth
to those she held within her
all those months
She couldn't see them though they were there
and now she does
It always makes me stand amazed
This new life
This knowing

the sky was star studded
I did my twirly dance in the night
under this rapturous heaven opened before me
What I didn't see through the deep blue of the day
What I could have only imagined
now lay before me in all its glory
It was always there but now in the darkness
I see a heaven glory stretching out to touch me
I see what in the day 
I was blind to

When all is well
We do not always remember God's "great' faithfulness
Oh we know He is there
His deep love far and extending
and we may rejoice in what is good
but we are merry
and sometimes
we forget it is He
that gives
merry

But
when darkness comes
any brightness becomes our hope
and when we see it
we remember He has always been with us
and we remember other nights He has brought us through
though some with torment and anguish
He has always brought us through to morning
and deep blue skies
and a remembering
of His faithfullness

The sun is reaching through the forest branches this morning
golden sunrays
Golden Sonrays
Waking my remembrance to His Abiding Love

He is unchanging
Though we do not see Him
He abides with us

He will gather
the lost papers
that dance in the wind

He will show us the beauty of the dance
as He gathers the wind in His hands

The deep blue
The starry night
His unchanging love
He cares for little ones
and their mama's love
This precious love

my favourite things


----------------------------
The courts have again lost papers
But God is able
please pray with us